The boy who sat behind me in English
for a whole semester,
didn’t know my name until the last day of the semester.
In biology class, part of our grade
depended on participation points.
That was the only class I raised my hand in.
My mother tells me that if I’m shy,
no one will like me.
That I must learn how to be social.
That I must not look so intimidating all the time.
My friend invites me out to hang out with her guy friends
and I do not talk almost the whole time.
One boy points at me and looks at my friend.
He asks, “Does she even talk?”
I smile politely and say “hi”.
Did it ever occur that I want to talk
just not to them?
My best friend and I are both introverts.
We used to spend lunches together
in silence because we know we don’t need to talk.
That’s why I chose this URL.
People have not learned the meaning of silence.
People have not learned that sometimes words aren’t enough.
People have not yet learned all the things you can communicate
without speaking, without making a single noise.
I have this problem where I can write well,
but I still stutter and trip over my words.
I always sound way too excited and awkward
all at the same time.
You’d think that I could just speak what I write,
but my fingers have been taught elegance
but my mouth has not.
I always end up accidentally swallowing my tied up tongue.
I go home every day with my lips cracked with regret
of all the things I should have said.
Have you ever thought that maybe
us introverts just choose our words and timing carefully?
That we’re not mean or less friendly than other people,
you just haven’t tried getting to know us yet.
You’re so quick to label us
that you don’t even try to understand us.
Maybe that girl sitting alone at lunch isn’t hated by everyone else,
maybe she isn’t a freak,
Maybe she likes having time to herself,
have you ever thought of that?
5:26 p.m. (I’ve been called quiet my whole life)